Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Now that I'm all educated n shit...

Roxxie (model, camgirl, beautiful)

... it's time to reflect on what I've learned over these last two grueling years. Yesterday, I officially finished work on my Master's degree in English Literature. To prove to you that this degree is not as useless as I feared it might be, I have compiled a short list of 5 things that I learned in grad school, things that will surely benefit me as I begin the post-grad school fuckery portion of my life.

5. Nerds are sexy - I can't even begin to explain to you how unbelievably sexy it is when a woman can speak eloquently about academic shit. In my case, hearing beautiful women talk about the genius of Percy Shelley or Jorge Borges makes me (or parts of me) stand at attention. I was plagued with the most unexpected crushes throughout my two years at the university. Women who don't exactly possess the kind of physical attributes that would get them posted here, you know, skinny chicks, made me swoon by showing off their beautiful minds. It really is true that the only things that really matter are on the inside, and a big brain trumps a big ass any day, at least for me.

4. Jerking off kills your ability to focus. - During my second year of grad school, I started a certain blog that you may be aware of. This opened me up to areas of porn that I didn't even know existed. Now I know all the hot websites and porn stars. I even have prospective models sending me pics and videos of themselves. Consequently, I have never "loved myself" more. And when you are trying to read 100 pages a week in each class and trying to rack your brain for insightful in-class comments, this spells trouble. I have never been less focused, and I can trace this back to all the monkey spanking I've been doing since the blog started. It's a testament to my supreme intellect that I did all this self-molestation and still graduated with honors. Yeah, I'm a badass.

3. I am not smart. - To totally contradict my last statement, I must confess that compared to the average human, I possess above average intelligence, but compared to other graduate level students, I'm a fucking retard. I have never felt more stupid in my life. In every class, I felt like the dumbest person in the room, and we're not talking about Harvard here. I just graduated from a marginal state university that no one will ever confuse with an academic powerhouse. I was totally overmatched, but like I said, I'm a badass, so I made it through and I'm better for it.

2. BBWs inundate the English department. - It may just be my school, but the English department is absolutely overrun with curvy beautiful women. I guess sexy fat girls like literature. Combine this beauty with their intelligence and you have the perfect women. If I wasn't already taken, I would have had no choice but to act on my impulses and ask one of the many BBWs around me on a date. I would probably have gotten rejected, but fuck it, a guy has to try. One particular young lady, a tall, extremely voluptuous, redhead with glasses, will stay in my memory banks forever.

1. I fucking hate grad school. - This seems pretty silly to say, but I had to go through the experience to realize it. School sucks ass, and graduate school sucks exponentially more amounts of ass. On one level, it was a great experience, as I met some extraordinary people and challenged myself intellectually, but on another level, it was an epic waste of time. And I'm glad it's over. Having said that, I will be getting a second Master's in the fall.

Best Grad School Experience: One of my classmates sold me an ounce of weed, and she delivered it to me in class. Interestingly, she was a large-breasted BBW with red hair and glasses. Seriously. And she was a brilliant student. Needless to say, this was my biggest grad school crush.

... The rest of this post will be accompanied by The Black Keys singing a song from their new release, entitled "Tighten Up." If the new album is as good as this joint, then we may have some classic material on our hands.

... What this blog needs right now is some porn, so here are some beautiful shots from a BBW I have just discovered. Her name is Kennedy, and she has done some excellent work on Big Cuties:

This lady is breathtaking! Visit her site, and pay the woman.

... The NHL playoffs are still rolling along and it is still as exciting as ever... and you probably still aren't watching.

Because of a pretty girl, I have latched on to the Montreal Canadiens, and I am rooting for MY Habs tonight as WE try to recover from a 6-0 ass pounding on Sunday. Hopefully WE can get OUR shit together tonight and continue OUR miracle run towards the Stanley Cup. Go Habs Go!!

The Flyers were still flying high (damn, I should be shot for that pun) after one of the most amazing comebacks in NHL history in game 1, but tonight, MY Habs will steal a game on the road.

BBWF's useless, uneducated, and emotional prediction: Habs 4, Flyers 3.

Honestly, I'm a Stars fan, and I only started loving the Canadiens because of that pretty girl (and she is sooo dreamy!!!), but this team has shown some real heart this postseason. They may have earned the right to be my second favorite NHL franchise.

... We leave you tonight with one of the most intense amateur clips I've ever seen. I don't know who these people are, but God bless 'em. They have sexual organs, and they know how to use them. This woman is gorgeous, and her passionate groanings throughout the clip are insane. I love this video!!!

Later, kids. I'm off to watch hockey, and maybe imbibe a little.


  1. Killer post, Chuck. Informative and entertaining!

    I was just going through my Google Reader items, which included Big Cuties blog post regarding Kennedy's newest update, so I was happy to see even more of her here. That lady is a dream.

    Yo...I can vouch for the awesomeness of that new Black Keys album. Just picked up today, and it was dope from the first note. They've found a balance between the rawness of their first four albums and the slickness Danger Mouse brought to their last one. An outstanding recording, f'real. Extra props goes to Michael Carney for hooking up his best album layout yet.

  2. Thanks, Allan. Yes, Kennedy is gorgeous! And now I'm really excited about about the new Black Keys stuff.

  3. Hang in there! I'm working on my first master's -- after dropping out some time ago on, you guessed it , an English MA! This one's in communications. Which is sort of like an English degree, only less useful. Whee!

  4. That's cool, Alice! I minored in Communications. Good luck to you!