Friday, November 11, 2011

Kyla is not a BBW... and other musings...


Actually, Kyla, you kinda are.


"I am not a BBW! I am a person. I am a fat activist. I use my body as a tool to help others. I use my clothing as a way to express my creativity. I do not care if you are sexually attracted to me. What I do to engage and resist is not meant to be your jerk off material.

I am not a fetish. I am not here for you to objectify and dehumanize. I am not a charity case. I am not grateful for your attention. I am not putting up with this.

I am more than my (fat) body. Treat me that way."

Kyla’s little rant (go to her tumblr for more on the topic) made me think a little bit… about my love for BBWs… and about the real reasons that I haven’t been blogging here lately…

If you read through Kyla’s Tumblr, you’ll notice that this is not a sexy fat girl trying to show her curves to the world (even though she is one of the most uniquely sexy women that I have ever laid eyes on). She is an activist for the plus-size woman, asserting herself as a voice for acceptance in a culture that effaces an entire segment of the population because of circumstances that they can’t control. The blog contains beautiful pictures, clever musings, and rhetoric like the eloquent post quoted above.

I can’t help but point out that it is hilarious that women think that they can post sexy photos of themselves all over the internet, and expect to not be objectified. I sympathize with Kyla in that she is receiving unwanted attention, but she seems to want to do that silly thing that women do when they seek to separate themselves from one of the very things that make them women. It may be disconcerting for some women to hear, and it certainly isn’t politically correct, but women are brilliant, strong, resourceful, and nurturing, and they can do virtually anything physically and mentally that any man can do, but they ARE sex objects. A woman’s sexuality, the curvature of her hips, the supple softness of her tits, the sweetness of her clit (wow, I’m getting nasty here) are just as much a part of her being as her intelligence.

Ladies, you are never going to escape this. I am not some date rape douche bag who, after forcing himself on some woman, claims that, by her low cut dress, and alluring eyes, she was “asking for it.” I am simply saying that a woman’s sex is part of her power. God put it there, and it is just as beautiful and good as all of the other qualities. I know that this is true because, for all the naked pics and hardcore vids that you see posted here, in my opinion, a woman is never sexier that when she is fully clothed and speaking her mind. And, as a practical matter, taking pics of yourself in cute and sometimes very sexy outfits is no way to avoid the eye of internet pervs. You do realize you putting the pics on the internet, right? Once they’re on here, you can’t tell us what to do with them.

For the record, I have never used Kyla’s pics as “jerkoff material,” and I never will. I was shaken by reading her post more than any other “I am not an object” post that I’ve seen before. Like Kyla, I am an activist for plus size women as well. The only difference is that I also have a pervy dark passenger who rides with me. In the early days of this blog, I thought that I was doing something positive for all larger ladies. Posts like Kyla’s open my eyes to the inescapable reality that more women see guys like me and blogs like this as part of the problem. Just like women can’t escape the ubiquitous power of their sexuality (regardless of their size), blogs like this can’t escape the fact that, even if fetishization isn’t the goal, it is always… always… the inevitable result.

I am NOT a person who fetishizes the bodies of fat women. Actually, I am completely against it. I find all types of women, women of all races, sizes, and backgrounds, attractive, and I have the eclectic sexual history to back it up. I am now married to a beautiful plus size woman who, in my eyes, is the most beautiful woman on Earth. I didn’t choose her because she was fat. I chose her because I think she is the best thing that could ever happen to me. I worship her curves because I worship HER. I started the blog because I wanted to use my love of porn as a way to show that fat women could be as sexy as all other women. I (mistakenly) saw myself as creating a haven of acceptance for big women, but I now understand that the blog will always appear to characterize BBWs as the object of a fetish, and there is no way to fully escape that. Even the very name of this blog fetishizes these women. Through posting about bigger ladies who are not in porn here on this blog, I have perpetuated the notion that fat women are “charity cases” or that they should be grateful for any available objectification, and Kyla is right in that regard. I actually want the same things as Kyla (in addition to wanting to see fat girls naked), and this blog does nothing to make those things happen.


Another particularly powerful quote from the blog:

“You wanting to stick your dick in a fat chick doesn’t end our oppression”

The reality that Kyla ignores, at least in the “I am not a BBW” post, is that objectification is part of acceptance. I remember a post-coital moment with a redhead from my past that shall not be named where I walked naked to the bathroom, and heard her voice say “such a beautiful ass!” In that moment, I smiled brightly, and I felt accepted. Just a cute, flirty comment about my booty (which is quite lovely, btw) made me walk with my head up high for days afterward. My girl affirming my sexiness affirmed ME in many ways, and this is what “fetish” blogs like this do for big women. Just like the redhead accepted for my intelligence, my sense of humor, and my passion for writing and literature in addition to my sweet ass, a curve perv’s adulation of a BBW for her sexiness is, in most instances, a symptom of his acceptance of all of her other attributes, and not a fetish. Speaking for myself, even though I post pics of women in sexy situations, I am well aware that their bodies are not all that they have to offer.

The problem, as Kyla’s post so aptly illustrates, is that naked pics do nothing to help correct the misconception. The objectification of BBWs is a part of their overall acceptance, but there are so many other areas in which these women are, to use Kyla’s word, “oppressed.” A woman who doesn’t fit the standard of beauty established in our society (and a man for that matter… why aren’t their any empowerment blogs for skinny ugly black dudes?? Just asking.) is not just a woman, but a FAT woman, and this has implications that transcend sexual attractiveness.

The truth is, fat chicks know they're sexy, and they don’t need some internet perv posting porn shots and blathering on about “curves” and “chubby chasing” to confirm that. The smart, confident bigger ladies, many of whom you see in this blog and on countless porn sites, realize that being sexy isn’t an issue. They can get dick any time they want. But when their size inhibits social interaction, when it causes people to underestimate their intelligence or motivation, when it creates a barrier that blocks opportunities that they rightfully deserve, it becomes a serious issue, an issue that will be virtually ignored if we keep congratulating ourselves for wanting to jump their bones.

This is the conflict that keeps me from posting on this blog, and ultimately the reason it will not continue. I am too introspective (read: neurotic) to just post my porn and have fun. I have to come to the realization that, because I want the same things that Kyla and women like her want, this blog is part of the problem.

Anywho… if you’re still here, I’d love to hear you thoughts about Kyla (her insane cuteness is up for discussion whether she likes it or not, btw), her post, my thoughts, etc.

And of course, you knew I was watching porn when I wrote this. Below is a fantastic scene that stars the beautiful Miss Fortune…





Later, Kids...

9 comments:

  1. I often struggle with this very same thing. It's so difficult, towing the line between expressing how a woman's particular physical beauty arouses you and how she, as a person, excites you. To deny that her "beauty" isn't a factor robs her of the beauty she possesses and the effect it has on her partner. Plus, as you noted about yourself, everybody likes to be complimented.

    Although I understand Kyla's point, I think it's pretty ridiculous. Sure, everyone wants to think that they are appreciated for who they are versus the way they look. But biology has a greater say than we would like to admit. That's why women have natural sexual appeal, right?

    You and I both know that BBW is a niche or fetish. But let's look at what BBW means: Big Beautiful Woman. Kyla might not like the fetish connotation, but the denotation fits her to a tee, as she is all three.

    Plus, let's face it. We all have preferences or types. For some, that type is girls with girth. Is it really so wrong to have preferences? Kyla certainly has preferences when it comes to style, that current retro 80's style that is so popular these days. Does that make her as shallow as men who prefer and appreciate BBW? Perhaps not the best comparison, but I think you'll understand my point.

    I've struggled to write erotica because of my college education. Any time I start to objectify women in the erotica I write, I freeze up because my academic training tells me that it's wrong. However, most women, or so I've come to learn, don't view it as objectification. They view it as highly complimentary and flattering.

    So, who to listen to? The academy who would shame you for even remotely sexualizing a woman (ironically, they never come down on anyone for sexualizing men, as is evidenced by the overwhelmingly positive review of Zane novels)? Or to your own heart and loins?

    I've found that the more aware of and the more I apply all the multitudinous academic sociological/gender/feminist theories to my desires, the more limited my erotic imagination becomes. Until all I'm left with as alright is sex for procreation purposes. That's just not satisfying.

    As a college student, have you ever noticed how women are generally empowered to express sexuality and to be as raunchy as they wish? But men are shamed for admitting to even a hint of sexual desire? That's the way it was where I went to school.

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  2. Ironically I just saw Kyla's post a few minutes ago and ultimately stumbled upon your great blog.

    With all of that out of the way I see the point Kyla is trying to make but its all a bit ludicrous to me. Kyla is definitely a sexy woman who has just the right amount of quirk and enigma to spark the sexual intrigue. She's also not a size 2 and is in fact "big". I'm not a fetishistic man in any sense of the word, but I love curvy women. Always have and always will. There was once a time in this country when a rubenesque woman was the norm not the oddity.

    A man who likes a curvy, thick, or whatever other synonym one can think of woman is no different than a woman who wants a tall man with broad shoulders or some other primal physical trait. Key word primal. A woman with curves triggers our baser instincts as humans as signs of a suitable mate for reproducing. The same way a "V" shaped man denotes virility on an instinctual level is the same way a "pear" shaped or curvy/bbw denotes it to men.

    There's nothing wrong with being different. Embrace it, nurture it, own it and love it. I find small or petite women attractive but the don't appeal to me sexually, as I'm 6' 245lbs and I want to feel a nice soft woman in my arms and next to me. That's why I married my HS sweetheart who is a curvy woman. well I'm starting to lose my train of thought so I'll conclude by just saying you have a great blog I stumbled upon.

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  3. I understand where large women are coming from when they explain that a man's attraction to large women does not make their objectification any less offensive. It's not like they should be grateful for our objectification just because it is out of the norm to be attracted to large women.

    At the same time, anyone who doesn't want to be objectified shouldn't post provocative photos on the internet.

    Like you, I find a particular personality (strong, confident and dominant) attractive, not a particular body type. I just find it that much more arousing if that personality is accompanied by a large body. :-)

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  4. Women who spend as much time cataloging "objectification" and "oppression" as Kyla seems to are too humorless for me to want to spend time with professionally or personally. I only have one question—do "activists" of any kind meet people outside of "the movement" who take them as seriously as they take themselves?

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    Replies
    1. Kyla and humourless? I give you a BIG smile...

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  5. ChicoFontaine, I'm glad you found us...

    And thanks to everyone for some very insightful comments.

    ReplyDelete
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