At the Movies

Amber (check out her new plumperpass update today. It's incredible)

In addition to the porn recommendation above, we'll pass along a 3-pack of reviews of regular movies that I've have had the opportunity to see in the past couple of weeks. This is the season for blockbusters, but we are not exactly off to a great start. I will take the three films that I have seen most recently and give you some quick takes. We'll start with the bad news...

I thought Sex and the City was the worst movie of the year, but then I made the mistake of giving in to boredom and taking Ms. Chuck to see Grown Ups. This script is so poorly written that it feels like the actors are making up the plot as they go along. With a cast that features Adam Sandler, Chris Rock (in his worst ever performance), and Kevin James, you would think this movie would be hilarious (I would name Rob Schneider and David Spade, who are also among the cast, but their presence in a movie is usually a warning sign). There are a few laughs here and there, but this is mostly an opportunity for Sandler and his friends to take your money. I say keep your cash and wait for this to come to netflix, if you just have to see it. But trust me, you have heard every tired joke that Grown Ups will spit at you, so you won't miss anything. Maya Rudolph and Selma Hayek distract you from the awful script with their hotness, however, so it's not a total waste.

I don't usually like to read subtitles at the movies, but The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo, a Swedish film based on the popular novels by Steig Larsson, was more than worth the effort. The film follows a disgraced journalist and a troubled young computer hacker as they attempt to solve a decades old murder mystery. The film will grab from the very start and it will command your attention for every bit of its 2 1/2 hours, and not just because you have to read the screen (well, unless you speak Swedish). It is one of the most compelling crime dramas to come to the screen in years. I will warn you, though; this film features some pretty sick shit, I mean really sick shit. It's not gratuitous, as it is a major factor in developing the character of Lisbeth, the "Girl" in the title (her tatoo is fantastic, by the way), but it is still sick, and for some very difficult to watch. Lisbeth is played by the androgynously gorgeous Noomi Rapace, and her sex scene in the latter half of the movie more than makes up for the disturbing early moments. I kid, but Rapace's performance will captivate you, though it is not clear at first why her role is so critical, in my opinion, one of the film's few flaws. This is the first part in a trilogy and apparently, there will be an American version as well. But with the likes of Kristen Stewart up for the lead, I'm thinking the Swedish version will be the one to stick with. See this movie.

We have another foreign film, this time from the UK. I guess shit like Sex and the City and Grown Ups have made me a little nervous about buying American. But Harry Brown, the story of an old man who goes vigilante after the death of his only friend, is truly one of the best movies out currently, regardless of country. If you're the type that prefers "feel good" stories, then you should sit this one out, however. I have never seen a movie so relentlessly bleak. The characters of the rough town in which Harry lives are ruthless and one dimensional. Harry has to sink to their level and use his skills as an ex-military man to exact revenge on the thugs who are ruining his surroundings. There is a considerable amount of heavy violence, and an opressive cloud of darkness hangs over the entire film. Even as a viewer, you'll feel the same burden Harry feels as he fights the evil around him. Michael Caine is spectactular as Harry, providing one of the most heart felt performances of his long career, and the adorable Emily Mortimer plays a righteous cop who helps Harry.

Obviously all movie recommendations are subjective, so don't just take my word for it, though I think you'd have to be a little weird if you thought Grown Ups was watchable. The next film I see will be the third installment in the Twilight saga, as Ms. Chuck drags me to the theater for that. I better get some that night or it'll be a total waste.

Later, people.